One Writers Journey

A week ago last tuesday I wasn’t able to sit up in the car. I rode to the Dr. Appointment laying down. This week I have been up a number of hours a day and I have been able to drive myself. So there is improvement. It is still a long road and I find myself being down about still feeling poorly.

You don’t really think about your health until it is in danger. Then you wonder if you will ever get better. I am having to force myself to be active right now. So I am up for an hour or so and then crash for an hour. If I want to try and do something in the evening I have to rest most of the afternoon.

Today I am going to use my up time to work on my website. It needs to be updated and I figure at the rate I am working it is going to take me a week or more to accomplish the change.

Thanks to everyone who has kept me in their prayers.

Good morning. I know with my recent illness I have been very hit and miss with my blogging.

I met with the Dr. Yesterday. I am slowly — slowly getting better. We just don’t know from what. He wants me to make sure I eat consistently and drink a lot of fluid. I am also to be active for a minimum of 4 hours a day. That can be physical or mental. I am to slowly build that up without overdoing it. Hard balance act.

Even with all of that it is going to be weeks in recovery.

I will try and start out each day with the blog and then spend an hour or so working on one of my books. Then I will rest for a couple of hours and go on to something physical. The goal is to get better as quickly as I can. Still it is going to be a long summer of recovery.

I want to thank everyone for their prayers and warm thoughts. It really helps.

I am on week 5 of feeling like crap. I feel like I am on the rebound, but have to wait for the latest round of results to know for sure.

I have spent the last 6 years writing. I try and write everyday, even if it is only for a half an hour. But with this illness, I haven’t cared if I write or not. I had several weeks where I didn’t even care if I did anything but lay in bed.

Today, I feel like writing. It may only last a few minutes, but it is still an improvement.

We like to try and compartmentalize our lives, but that doesn’t really work in reality. I write! Writing is a part of what I am. It isn’t something I leave at the house in the morning or leave at work at the end of the day. It is just something I am and do.

What is it that you do? What defines you?

We never appreciate something until we don’t have it. I have spent the last three weeks feeling miserable. I have lost energy, run fevers, had chills and wondered if this was going to be the one that gets me. There have been a few times that this has been a life and death situation.

I stated out with a reaction to a medication and everything just cascaded from there. I would feel good for an hour or so and then descend into misery. It was getting to the point that I would so exhausted I had the shakes. The reaction to the medication should have run it’s coarse in a week or so, but instead of feeling better, I got worse.

They have run numerous blood test with no conclusive results. Now waiting for another set of blood cultures. I am so exhausted I am not even able to drive now. There was some indiction that things may be leveling out.

This post has taken over an hour to write. Hopefully I will be able to do one tomorrow as well.

I have a friend who, a few years ago had a ruptured appendix. It took forever for him to get better. I have been down now for almost two weeks with something. I can’t imagine what he felt. The doctors first thought it was a reaction to a new medication and took me off it right away. But the symptoms have just hung on. Sweats, chills, headache, nausea, lack of appetite and no energy. My white count is slightly elevated, but not enough to pin down anything. So what started out being thought was a reaction to meds may be a viral infection that is lingering.

I had a good sleep last night, didn’t soak the bed with sweat, but woke with a headache. My low back hurts, eyes hurt and run out of energy quickly. I am not interested in writing, watching TV or reading. My attention to things is slower. This is not the way to feel and I don’t wish it on my worst enemy.

I had a dream that got stuck in recycle the other night. Every time I woke and then went back to sleep the same dream played again and again and again.

This too is the life of a writer. It isn’t alway feeling great. I try and glean something out of it that may make my stories feel more realistic.

I am still dealing with the residual side effects of the medication I took last week. I go from running a fever to having the chills. I feel sorry for people who react to their meds that have no choice but to take them. It makes life hard to handle. I thought I was getting better and today was a relapse. They tell me I need to get more rest and push fluids. I guess I need to listen and just stay down.

I am surprised that 2 pills can take so long to work out of my system. So, eventually I will be back on track.